If I Let You Love Me
by wsm021
Summary: They just... were, there's no real way to explain their relationship other than it exists. Puck and Rachel realize that it doesn't have to make sense to be love.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own glee. =(

**Author's note: As always Beth's name has been changed to Sophia. **

He's not really surprised to feel her behind him. Sooner or later he knew she would come here, what he didn't expect was for her to be alone. But there's no inner voice telling to keep his hands to himself so he knows Finn's not around. Typically he would spend some time thinking about that, but he's only got 26 hours left with his daughter.

"Quinn probably needs a shoulder to cry on right now" He'd be doing it himself but they'd both decided that at least one of them should stay with Sophia and she wasn't allowed to leave the room. "Yeah, Santana seems to be handling… that, quite well when I checked on her", he doesn't think he's ever heard her speak so quietly, she sounded so far away, so small. He spared her three seconds of his attention. It took a second for him to realize that she was crying before she was in his arms.

"I… I am just so sorry. I… you'd be a good father Noah. I know you don't believe that, that you don't believe you'd be a good anything but you've been there for Quinn and…and Sophia from the very start and I am just so sorry you're going through this. I… god I'm supposed to be taking care of you." He'd laugh but he's pretty sure it would just cause her to have a nervous breakdown. Plus, she was taking care of him. He was sick of thinking, of talking, of making decisions, all he needed was to watch his daughter and listen to Rachel ramble like only she could.

"You are… helping y'know, just you wan… can you keep talking?" he feels stupid but with everything that's gone on this year he thinks he's earned a moment of stupidity… he was still a teenager.

Rachel was pretty sure that if there was anything she could do it was keep talking. So she started with the calamity that had been regionals, and just said whatever came next. She tried to include things she thought he would be interested in but he didn't seem to care. He'd turned them around and resumed watch over the daughter he would never know. For once Rachel didn't care that the attention wasn't on her; she was use to being ignored for far less important reasons. She focussed on his heart beating against her back and the way his fingers drew patterns into her hips.

Sophia woke up a few times and Noah was by her side in an instant. The nurses were starting to fall in love, watching him while they tend to the other newborns. He hushes his daughter and soothes her until she's lulled back to sleep and then he's back outside holding Rachel. "Kay, what were you saying?" She had no idea; every time he left she would text Santana to see how Quinn was doing and then she would think of what she would say to Shelby when she finally came to break both of their hearts (for different reasons obviously).

He would look at her through the glass, watch the tears that slid silently down her cheeks and the creases in her forehead creased signs of the obvious stress of her thoughts. He just took in the sight of her; Rachel Fucking Berry, the crazy Jew that had somehow become his best friend. He held her against him, making sure she kept talking but only half listening. Her hands were rubbing up and down his arms and she was so tightly tucked into him, if he had the mental capacity to he would really be stressing about the consequences. Finn couldn't be happy that Rachel was here, it's been hours and she hasn't moved, hasn't even mentioned leaving and the way he's touching her may be innocent but it's far from platonic. It's something he'll have to think about later though because now she's talking about how much Sophia looks like him (but she's got Quinn's eyes) and he refocuses his attention because there are only 16 hours left.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own glee. =(

**Chapter Two**

Noah wakes up sometime after three and spends about three seconds trying to remember where he is and who exactly is curled into his side. One look at the yellow walls was all it takes. He rolls to the right and groans, the sun hasn't even risen yet, he should not be awake. But he is and as much as he would love to just go back to sleep he's got too much on his mind. First off, how did he go to from unloading his burdens to crying in her lap to sleeping in her bed? Second, why had he even agreed to go home with her? And thirdly and this was really the most important part, what was he going to do now?

She knew he was awake, and she knew he was probably flipping out but he hadn't bolted... she'd take that as a good sign. She'd tried her hardest to be there for him last night, to say the right things to not say anything to just hold him. When they had started to fall asleep she'd been scared he would leave the minute she was out but he hadn't, in fact she had felt his grip tighten around her every time she shifted to get comfortable. She'd have to let on that she was awake eventually, and then they'd have an awkward moment which would hopefully end well and then she'd have to deal with Finn. Or maybe she could put that last part off for a few more hours. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Finn, because she did… she just didn't know what to say because he would be expecting something she wasn't sure she felt.

For such a drama queen she's a terrible actress because he totally knows she's awake, but she hasn't moved away and when he pulled her closer she snuggled against him and he heard the sigh before she caught herself. He really, really doesn't want this to be awkward but how can it not be. He knows that he went from bitching about his life to crying because a really fucked up thing happened and she was the only one that really cared about how he was feeling. Everyone else was worried about how Quinn was dealing with everything; he was too but fuck it if no one wanted to acknowledge that Quinn wasn't the only one that lost a child. And he knows how he went from crying to sleeping because that shit was exhausting, emotions and shit, there was a reason guys avoided them; there were better (happier) things to spend one's energy on.

She's a little surprised that he even came back with her. They had gone from enemies to a couple to not friends to acquaintances to this… and what was this? Friends didn't seem to cover its magnitude but nothing in her extensive vocabulary seemed to suit it either. He confided more in her than he did anyone else, she knows that and she can say the same is true in reverse but they don't call each other or hang out after school or even really talk at school. So they just _were_. She has no problem leaving them undefined because it works. She turns towards him and is a little put off by the fact that the top of her head barely reaches his chin because frankly he's far from tall.

She opens her mouth but he's really done with the whole talking thing so he places a kiss on her forehead, the surprise is enough to delay whatever speech she was getting ready to deliver. "It's six in the morning, babe go back to sleep." A part of her wants to tell him that she's usually up around this time anyway but the thought of a few more hours like this appealed to her. She filed it away for something to think about later. She makes no move to roll over so he rolls onto his back and lets her curl into him because honestly it's cute and he doesn't really want to let her go. Finn is going to fucking kill him but that'll have to wait until the pm.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own glee. =(

**Chapter Three**

Rachel didn't know how he did it, it was well past noon and he was still asleep. She'd already worked out, had a protein shake and video chatted with her fathers on their bi-annual cruise. Her phone rings again and she isn't sure how much longer she could ignore Finn before he'd just show up at the door. She sends him a detailed text of her daily agenda and promises to speak to him tomorrow. Ignoring the fact that she highly doubts she will be doing anything she normally does on a Saturday. It feels weird to think of how much she needs to be there for Noah right now, weird because it comes to her like second nature. When had her life ceased to make sense.

"You think too much" He'd been watching her for a while. Watching the way she moved around the kitchen cleaning non-existent dirt, watching her take out her phone every few minutes and sigh. He watched her because she compelled him too, and fuck if he knew how. She was just beautiful. And not in a quirky girl next door kinda way but in the way that has you smiling cuz she's happy and laughing cuz hers is contagious. Maybe if he could have seen her like this last year he wouldn't be where he was now. But he sees it now and damn if he doesn't want to do something about it.

"I don't see how that's possible, I'm only capable of as much thought as my brain allows" She knows she thinks a lot but it's a part of who she is, a part while albeit slightly problematic at times was not something she could change. She thought about why people did what they did, why they said things they didn't mean, why no one seemed to be as focussed as she was, as certain of their place in the world. She needed to think because she was different and thinking is the only way she could make sense of the world she currently lived in.

He thinks there's more behind what she's saying than just the words, but with Rachel there always was. She's so much more complicated than she needs to be but he thinks that just her protection, like she gets that people don't really understand her so she makes it harder makes it her choice to be different. God knows he does the same thing. People expect him to be a trouble maker so he amped it up to being a total fuck-up like it's his choice. He figures it really is though, for both of them to choose to be what everyone already assumes they are. Which is probably why he's here right now, was she wants him here, they both see through the bullshit. She's the only one that really sees him and fuck if he doesn't see her.

Rachel has no idea why he's looking at her like that but she doesn't move, doesn't fidget just let's him stare. She's comfortable with him and it hits her like a freight train. It's one thing to be aware of something and another to really get it. Puck had made her life hell for years, then he'd taken to being her boyfriend like a fish to water and she never doubted him. She's comfortable with him because she knows him, she knows who Noah is. She's in his arms before her brain registers conscious thought and she isn't bothered by it. They spend the afternoon on the couch watching moves and talking. She still isn't ready to talk about what happened with Shelby and so really it's more he talks and she listens.

By nine, he's really beginning to think he's in trouble. Puck knows she blew off Finn to spend the day with him. He knows that Finn told her he loves her and she hasn't really made up her mind what she's going to do about it. He also knows that they went by his house today to get him clothes and shit and that she insists he stays with her until her dads get back… in three weeks. He freaking knows there is no way this is gonna end well, like not one single abstract way but he's here and his shits packed into a drawer she keeps empty "just in case". There are two spare bedrooms and he's not sleeping in them, enough said? There is no fucking way this is gonna end well, and honestly he doesn't even care.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own glee. =(

They wake up at midnight to her phone going ballistic on the side table. He thinks its cute how she mumbles under her breath about the levels of inconsideration people have for other's sleeping habits. He finds it even cuter when she picks up the phone and repeats said speech without even checking the caller id. A simple fuck off would have sufficed but what can he say girls a dictionary. He knows who it is the minute she takes a breath and finally lets the other person speak. She's staring at him like this little deer in headlights not knowing whether to run or not. He gets out of bed to give her some privacy and he doesn't know if the sigh is of gratitude or irritation. Either way he isn't going to stick around to hear whatever it is she plans on saying to Finn.

Rachel watches him leave and honestly she would have followed him if she hadn't been sure that his car keys were still on her bathroom sink. She hears Finn's voice in the background and resigns herself to actually paying attention to what he's saying. The words at your door don't make any sense until she hears the door bell and Noah's footsteps heading down stairs. She's out of bed and manages to block him off before he can open the door. "It's Finn." He doesn't respond right away but when she places her hand on his arm he flinches away, "I'll be upstairs". Not for the first time she really wonders when her life got so complicated.

Finn rings the door bell again, he's really starting to get worried. Puck's car is parked in the driveway and Rachel is taking forever to answer the door. God if that douche had gone after another one of his girls he was going to lose it. He completely ignores the fact that he's aware hands down Puck could take him on a bad day. When she finally opens the door she looks flushed and upset and he's almost at the stares before gets in front of him and blocks his way. "What'd he do to you? Actually Rachel why is he even here?" He doesn't like the way she looks at the ground before she answers him. He really doesn't like what she has to say. He didn't care how much Puck needed someone right now, he had Quinn and he and Rachel weren't even friends. Why out of all the people they knew did puck always go to his girlfriends?

Her stomach drops when he calls her his girlfriend and not in the good way. The first thought in her head is that she really hopes that Noah isn't in ear shot but the crash she heard coming from upstairs seems to prove the opposite. Finn's just looking at her, waiting for her to say something like she really has an answer to that question. Why her… she has no idea she just knows that it is her and she's going to be there for Noah until he doesn't want her anymore… maybe even after that. Finn's had the last six months to be with Rachel. The only question she thought really mattered was "Why now Finn?"

Finn cant help but stare at her. What does that even mean, why now what? He's always wanted to be with her. He just couldn't be, before it's cuz he was with Quinn and he loved her. Then it was cuz Quinn was pregnant. Then he was too screwed up to be anyone's boyfriend. Then the only thing he really had left was his popularity and he wasn't ready to give up everything. Then she was with Jesse and he slept with Santana. Now there wasn't anything in they're way. They could be together now like they'd always wanted to be but she's asking all these questions and Puck's here and things aren't going the way he thought they would.

He really is like an open book. She doesn't even need to listen to him stumble through an explanation to know that he doesn't really understand everything he's saying. First she wasn't worth leaving Quinn, then she wasn't worth his popularity, then she wasn't worth being celibate but now that Quinn's done with him and he's a loser just like her and Santana's bored of him, now that he doesn't have any of those things… she's better than nothing. She's too shocked to do anything when he pulls her into his arms. She's crying, she has no idea why because she's furious but there she is at the base of her stairs in the wrong pair of arms bawling her eyes out.

"Dude, get the fuck out" He stayed upstairs as long as he could stand to. God only knew how he and Finn had been friends for so long, guy was clueless. Knowing him he probably thinks Rachel's overcome by happy tears now that he finally wants to be with her. He'd get Finn to leave and then clean up his mess, just like he always did.

" Fuck off dude, I don't know why you're here but Rachel's my girlfriend now so you need to go home"

"Get the fuck out!"

He doesn't know whose more shocked, him or Finn but damn even looking as broken as she does now girl is sexy when she swears.

Somehow she finds the strength to pull herself away from Finn, thanking god that Noah was so close because she doesn't really know how far her feet could have carried her. She just wants to go back to bed. Just wants to curl up and cry until she can't cry anymore. She had spent so much of her time being in love with Finn Hudson just for it to end like this. Just for him to make her feel worthless and cheap and dirty. She just wanted him gone, she wanted to take a bath, she wanted to die.

He's just standing there. Staring at her, then glaring at him like he can't make up his mind whose at fault here. If Noah didn't have a crying midget in his arms he would take pleasure in showing Finn just how much this was his fault but he's got more important people to take care off. He would handle the douche later. "You heard her man, get out before I make you leave", he lets the venom he feels spill into the word so Finn knows exactly how Puck would force him out of the house. He feels kind of bad though because it scared Rachel and the last thing he wants her doing in his arms is flinching. Finn takes one last look at Rachel, a look that lasts much too long for his liking, before turning around and leaving.

She leans against the wall while he locks the door and turns the alarm back on. She tries to tell him that she can walk but he insists on carrying her. She really wishes she could stop crying but she doesn't know how. So she just breathes and lets the tears fall. She listens to him sing every song he knows that she likes and she wills her heart to beat in time with his.

He falls in love with her that night. It happens sometime between three and five in the morning, when he can feel her falling asleep and places a kiss on her forehead. It happens because she curls into him and makes him promise to stay with her while she sleeps. It happens because he promises himself and her that he will never let anyone hurt her like that again.

"I know you won't." He falls in love because she believes him.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own Glee =(

AN: sorry I've been dying with exams and stuff. There will be more frequent updates from here on out til the end. This one's short because I think it really stands on its own.

She watched him sleep.

His arms around her and his breathing even. She watched as the tears ran down her face for reasons she couldn't even explain to herself. There was something going on between them that made her anxious. No, it scared the shit out of her her and Rachel was not the type to scare easily. She wanted to run, far and fast. Just get as far away from him and the tension inside of her chest. But where could she go that he would not follow. And he would follow, she knew that, his embrace told her that. Even while he slept, he made it clear that she was his. When that had happened she hasn't a clue but it was true. She was his now, like she had been Finn's months ago. Maybe even more so. She had never felt anchored to him then way she did with Noah, she never trusted him the way she trusted Noah. She never lov… no it was much too soon for that. No matter what she felt, and she was sure she felt it. She doesn't know what she's seeing, its more than his features, more than the way his eye lids flutter as he dreams or the way his Adam's apple becomes more pronounced when he pulls her closer to him. She sees him, in every true and cliché sense of the term. She sees him for who he is, for who he pretends to be and for what he offers her. Everything. She'd never been someone's everything… her fathers didn't count. The way he needed her, the way he wanted her, the way he protected her, she means more to him then she thinks she's really ready for. Yet how could she walk away from this feeling building inside of her without tearing her body to pieces. But how could she give in to this feel inside of her without losing herself in the process. She couldn't even think about it without wanting to pull her hair out with frustration.

So she watches him, and sees him and hopes with everything she has, with everything she is that she'll find the answers she's looking for.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still done own glee =(

He spent the day outside away from her. Mowing the low, cleaning the pool, hell he devoted hours to pulling weeds and tending to the small vegetable garden her dad insisted they have. Had she not been so frustrated with him Rachel really would have appreciated every thing he was doing, but as it stands he really was just pissing her the hell off. She'd fallen asleep sometime around sunrise and woke up just before three. She had no idea when he'd gotten out of bed, which only served to frustrate her more. He'd had to have been doing this for hours and still didn't seem to have any intention of coming inside any time soon, it was nearly seven. She'd thought nothing of it at first to be honest. But when she'd taken lunch out into the front (while he cleared the gutters) it became abundantly clear that something was wrong. Never in her life had she seen Noah Puckerman turn down a meal. He'd had a big breakfast her ass. So she'd eaten without him, opting to sit on the hood of her car and watch as he worked. As the minutes ticked by with nothing to be heard but his work and her sighing she'd given up and made sure to slam the door on her way back inside. She'd cleaned her room, her bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the den. She'd reorganized her sheet music, her movies, her closet and her shoe rack. She'd worked out, showered, washed her hair, waxed, giving herself a facial, mani/pedi and straightened her hair. She'd done everything there was too do and it had taken hours. She puts the lasagne in the oven and chances a glance out the patio doors, good god! He was trimming the hedges.

"Noah… NOAH ELIJAH PUCKERMAN! Get your ass in here now."

He didn't even know she knew his middle name, yet that wasn't the reason he drop the trimmers. It was the way she'd gone from her Noah force to a shrill scream to a murderous whisper that had him alert and ready to do whatever it was she wanted. Which was probably talk. He might not be a rocket scientist but he knew her pretty well and he knew that she hadn't been impressed by his behaviour over the last few hours. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around her, he just didn't know how to be. It was a big deal that he was even staying here, add that to the fact that he was sleeping in her bed, while in love with her and that was all before she'd broken up with the person she'd convinced herself was "the one". A part of him felt completely worthless, as though he was manipulating her. How could he separate being there for her because she needed him, from being there for her because he wanted to be with her. How could he help her get over Finn without it seeming like he was trying to force himself into the open position. He needed to tread lightly and take his time, and those were two thing that he had never done with a girl. Rachel was too important to be testing out his limitations with but he knew she was the only person he'd even consider worth the effort.

She didn't know what motivated him but it moved her how quickly he gave up avoiding her when he felt she truly needed him, and she did. Even if nothing had been wrong Rachel needed Noah, and if the thought didn't scare her so much it might actually make her smile. There had been a time where she'd wanted Finn to be everywhere she was, but that was desire. A wanting of closeness. With Noah it was necessary as air. And no she wasn't naïve enough to think she would die without him, please this was Rachel Berry for Moses' sake. She wouldn't die without him but she knew that she could never be completely, 100% happy unless he was by her side. She watches him closes as he makes his way over to her. Watches as he clenches and unclenches his jaw, as he cracks his knuckles and right when he's in front of her, she watches as he moves to reach for her and then changes his mind.

He wants so badly to touch her. It's insanity really and he should be running in the other direction. Nothing he's feeling is normal. This was like living in fire, his skin burned with as every emotion consumed him whole. He was seventeen for Christ's sake. Seventeen going on thirty-seven. And Rachel was hardly the typical teenage girl but still. This shit was for little girls who believed in "the one" and that love could conquer all and all that romance novel bullshit. He'd never thought any of it real. Even though he'd seen how much his mother had loved his father, and how much Burt loved Carol, hell he'd grown up watching Rachel's dads at synagogue and every year they looked happier than the last. Being in love was clearly possible but he wondered how anyone could stand to feel this way every second of every day. And then it's as if someone had thrown him into the ocean. She's in his arms and the fire's gone. It's all ocean tides and a calming breeze.

Rachel could practically hear him thinking, over analyzing and trying to understand. She feels bad for being as upset with him as she was. This is new for him. All his life he'd shied away from emotion and intimacy on any level. Frankly the only people she'd ever seen him care for openly were his mother and sister. So of course he wouldn't know what to do with himself right now, he was dealing with losing Sophia and helping Quinn even though his pain was still raw and now everything that was going on with them and how much he was realizing he cared for her as well. Honestly it was a wonder he hadn't fled as though he'd been set on fire. She wraps her arms around him and just breathes. There's no rush for any of it. He would come to grips with it all in his own time. She can't help the sigh that escapes her lips as his arms surround her and his lips just barely graze her collar.

Noah always knew he was a glutton for punishment, but he only realized how that half the frustration he'd felt today had come from the distance he'd put between them. Well consider that a listen learned. He moved them into the kitchen and sets her on the counter, standing in between her legs as she mindlessly plays with the hairs at the back of her neck. He explains everything he's feeling, excluding the being in love part, never once looking at her just drawing patterns into her thighs and explain why he'd been acting the way he had. She doesn't say anything, and when he'd done talking and finally has the courage to look at her she's got a small smile on her face and is staring at the oven. The timer goes off, apparently she'd been cooking.

She didn't say anything right away, mostly because she hadn't expected him to divulge that kind of information without major prodding from her part. She's glad he's come to trust her enough to open up without her insistence. She tells him that as she hops off the counter. Explains to him how it makes her feel to have in trust her enough to talk to her about the things going on in his head. She sets the table and when he takes a seat she positions herself on his lap. She hands him a fork sticking her own into one of the pieces she'd placed in front of him. She hopes her doesn't mind eating like this, but frankly they'd spent far too much time separated today.

Rachel's phone had spent the better part of the night vibrating it's way off of her nightstand and on to the floor. Not that it matter, or was even noticed. Dinner was followed by a trip to the movie theatre, which was followed by a drive to the icecream palour which ended with Rachel in bed moaning at taste of rocky road while Noah held her stealing a spoonful in between moans.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Though I pray every day and night and day, I still don't own glee =(

**Authors Note: I'm incredibly lazy I want to say that I'm reading the reviews cuz they legit make my day & I'm glad for the feedback and to know you like the story enough to not just read but share opinions with me. Thanks **

Quinn really is more intuitive then she lets on, which is why she knew to call Rachel when Noah hadn't answered his phone. But seems like no one wanted to answer her calls, so after about six trips to voicemail she decides it was time for a nap. She's surprised to find them two hours later at her door with Noah looking like someone put a dent in his truck.

"Are you alright? You called six times…"

"Well first she called you twice so it's actually eight" By the look on his face Rachel's pretty sure that was the wrong thing to say.

Eight. Eight times. Quinn's never called him that many times in a month much less a day. He'd been so consumed with his feelings for Rachel that he'd completely forgotten about all the other things going on in his life. Important things. Things like the mother of his child. God he was such an ass. He doesn't even ask Quinn if it's okay to come in, just makes his way into the living room of her mother's new apartment.

Quinn and Rachel share a look just to make sure they're both on the same page, and they were. Neither of them have any idea what was wrong with Noah. Rachel told her they had rushed over here once Noah had seen all her missed calls, which explains why she was in a sweater clearly too big for her and pyjama pants. She approaches him much in the way one would approach a wounded lion, slowly and cautiously. He knocks the air out of her lungs when he grabs her arms and brings her to him. She can count the amount of times he's held her this way and never in her life had she ever felt this safe.

"Are you alright, Q?" She doesn't know why such a simple question has her tearing up but Rachel's sobbing and Noah's grip only gets tighter the longer she goes without answering. She looks at him, really looks at him and she thinks she sees him, maybe for the first time in her life. She'd seen a glimpse of the person in front of her the first time he held their daughter but even then there was still a little Puck peeking through. The man holding her now was all Noah. A part of her wishes she'd seen him this way sooner, things could have been so different but she hadn't.

Rachel decides to give them time privacy, there's a long overdue conversation that needs to be had between them and she knows how to make herself scarce. A part of her is jealous of how much Noah cares about Quinn and the bond they have but it's a small tiny part that lets her know she's human and she takes pride in the fact that she can recognize and dismiss her insecurities.

"No, I'm not alright but I will be. And so will you… Noah". It didn't feel right to call him Puck anymore, at least not in this moment when he was so much more than a badass with no cause. She tells him everything that's been on her mind, from her parents' divorce to Sophia's adoption to how much she really needed them to be friends now. She acknowledges how wrong she had been to keep him on the outside of the pregnancy and how much easier everything was once she let him in. She hadn't meant to say so much but once she'd started she just couldn't stop, she needed him to know so they could begin to heal together. Quinn didn't know why put she didn't think she could fully heal without him.

While waiting for the kettle Rachel sends a text to Finn, they need to talk about a lot preferably before he shows up at her house again. Things are changing so quickly she can barely keep up but for once in her life she welcomes the change. She's happy truly happy, and things aren't perfect but that doesn't matter. For the first time in a long time Rachel feels secure and in control of the direction her life is going. It's been awhile since she's been comfortable in her own skin, happy with who she is and she realizes now that it's because it's been a long time since she was making decision for herself. She is proud of the person she's becoming and she's going to embrace that and act accordingly.

Noah can't believe what he's hearing, all the nights he'd wished Quinn would just let him in only to be disappointed and here he was getting what he wanted and he's crying. A part of him wants to blame Rachel for how emotional she's let him become but a bigger part wants to thank her for letting him finally admit to being able to feel more than lust. He laughs when she starts to wipe his tears away because she's sobbing and it's adorable. He tells her everything he's been going through, talks to her about Sophia and Rachel and how much he loved them both and admits that he loves Quinn just as much and he does love her, not in a way he ever expected to but in a way that's honest. It's important to him that he`s there for her and he makes sure to drill that into her head until she's overcome with laughter and gasps that sound oddly like "I got it, I got it, I love you too" He ruffles her hair, kisses her forehead than turns on the TV and starts watching the game.

Quinn leaves him to his thoughts and his basketball and ventures into the kitchen, she sees her mom sitting on the top of the stairs with tears in her eyes and offers her a small smile. For so long Quinn had thought that getting pregnant had been the worst thing to ever happen to her but with the conversation she'd just had with Noah and the relationship she was building with her mother she knows she was wrong. Sophia had been the blessing she hadn't known to ask for. She sees Rachel on her phone and for a second she's suspicious but then she backtracks, Rachel is too loyal a person to betray Puck like that. Besides Quinn wasn't going anywhere in Noah's life, and neither was she apparently so it was about time they started to get along. "Hey…"

Rachel looks up and is surprised to see how vulnerable Quinn looks, outside of her cherrio uniform and bow down or die attitude she looks almost human. "Hey, I was making hot chocolate… I thought it might help". Almost as if to prove her point the kettle goes off. She doesn't say anything when Quinn places two cups on the counter next to the hot chocolate and marshmallows she'd managed to find. They sit in silence for a while just sipping and looking up regularly, until Quinn asks Rachel if she wants to talk about it. Rachel's not sure if she means Finn, or Noah or everything but the answer is the same

"Yeah, I do"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night, I still don't own glee =(**

**AN: So I clearly haven't been updating as frequently as I usually do and I offer two valid reasons; 1. being that I need to start focussing on my education and 2. being that my love life has been kicking my ass lately and I haven't really been in the mood to write. I'll try harder to get new chapters up but I make no promises. As always there will be an ending, I just can't say it'll be coming any time soon. Thanks to everyone whose stuck around. **

Rachel's spent the last two hours in Santana's den crying her eyes out. She'd gone to speak to Finn just after breakfast when Noah had gone back to his house to check in with his mom. It wasn't that she was hiding the meeting from him, she just knew that he would have insisted on coming with her and she knew that wouldn't have helped the situation at all. Afterwards she just didn't feel right going to him being as heartbroken as she was about another boy. So she'd gone to Quinn, Quinn who had taken one look at her and dragged her back to the car. Quinn who had driven to the spa after calling Britney and Santana tell them to meet them there. Quinn who distracted her long enough to get her somewhere safe before asking her what was wrong. In Rachel's defence she'd really had kept her composure for quite some time but when Santana "Satan" Lopez had hugged her and told her it was okay to be upset, well that's when things got bad.

Quinn was trying to get a sense of what had happened but all she'd been able to decipher from Rachel's sobs were the words Finn, cruel and oh god. As vague as that was it was enough to know that Rachel had gone to speak to Finn and things hadn't gone well. Besides she'd been on the receiving end of cruel words from Hudson that she could only imagine what he had said to "the second girl who had put a relationship with Noah above him". So Quinn rubber her back as she clung to Santana and then she left with Britney to make snacks and get wine from the cellar. By the time they got back Rachel was no longer tucked into Santana's welcome embrace but sitting on the couch clutching her hand as though it was her lifeline. A few months ago Quinn had been in that exact position. For all of Santana's bitch there was loyalty, for all of her malicious words there were soothing gestures. They had been friends since the second grade and she knew that with an ally like Santana, Rachel would be hard press to fuck with from this day forward.

Santana couldn't stand to see any girl brought down because of a guy. Females were weak, her variety of stepmothers had taught her that through the years. They blamed men for feeling badly about themselves, for the things they "had" to put up with, never accepting responsibility for their part in the mess. No one made Santana feel inferior, no one forced her to stick around to be treated like shit, she knew how to walk about before you got walked away from and she knew how to fight when it was worth the effort. That's why she and Britney got along so well. Though their reasons were different, neither of them let other people's opinions or actions interfere with who they were. She'd started talking to Quinn because it was obvious that she was a stronger person than she appeared to be. She planned on being there for Rachel now because she had it in her to be strong, she just needed help.

Rachel calls Noah and lets him know that she won't be coming home tonight so he should stay at his mom's. She doesn't tell him about her visit with Finn and doesn't really explain how a spa date with Quinn turned into a sleepover at Santana's but he doesn't really ask. He just tells her not to drink too much cuz he knows how much San loves wine and that he'll come by and pick her up tomorrow. She really isn't sure why it surprises her that he's so understanding, so willing to let her have her secrets but she appreciates it. She's going to tell him about Finn, after the way she felt all of it. She doesn't want to hide things from him but at the same time she loves him all the more for letting her know that it would be okay if she did.

Britney doesn't have any idea what's going on, not that she cares in the slightest. All Britney cares about, all Britney has ever cared about is being happy. Being sad doesn't feel good, and she doesn't understand why people spend so much time feeling badly. She knows sometimes it can't be helped, but a majority of the time it can be. Rachel's her friend and she's going to do her best to make her happy and teach her not to care about all the things that make her feel bad because like her mom said knowing how to always be happy is the best thing you can teach someone.


	9. Author's Note

Authors Note:

Kay so I just want to officially say that this story will be completed. I know you guys have had to put up with an unusually long period of nothingness from me and its shitty but I think about the story all the time and where its going. how I'll end it and how angry you must all be. So just bear with me. I don't have internet at my house right now so updating is a bitch. I'll most likely write the whole thing out over the next few weeks and post all the remaining chapters at once. But obviously that's not this. So again have patience, I'm lagging I know but I'm not actually leaving you hanging. The story is coming. Pinky Promise =)


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night I still don't own Glee =(

**Authors Note: Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you for sticking around. As promised this story does have an ending and head's up it definitely won't be as long as my other fics. I'm trying something new with this piece and another one I'm working on, I call it short and to the point. Hahaha honestly my English profs say I struggle with being concise. So thanks again for sticking around and if you were ever to review this would be the one. **

Noah tries not to push her too much about what happened with Finn. He tries and he fails. One day of understanding was really all he had in him. When he'd agreed to pick her up from Santana's he hadn't really clued in that that meant he would be spending the night alone. And when he did realize he still didn't get it. It wasn't until he woke up in the middle of the night and reached out to find himself alone that he really got it. Rachel was endgame. She was the thing his life had been missing, everything he hadn't thought he deserved but would work like hell to earn. And not sleeping next to her was not a feeling he wanted to get used to. So when he picks her up from Santana all he wants to do is eliminate everything that could keep them apart. Dealing with Finn asap it was. Except it wasn't.

She couldn't believe he'd ambushed her like that. Like the second she got in the car, really? She doesn't know what to say because she hasn't even really figured it all out for herself so how could he expect her to explain it to him. So she shuts down, tells him its off limits and somehow just makes it out the door behind him as he storms off. Then its all angry words about Finn and being good enough and endgames and overcoming obstacles and she has absolute no idea what half of it meant. Which she makes perfectly clear and thankfully he slows down. He's still going a mile a minute but it's digestible now, adorable really. He's put a lot of thought into them.

They go back inside, she explains… no she talks out loud and he tells her she makes little to no sense but somehow its enough. Everything about her is enough for him, nearly perfect for him. He just wants her, just Rachel the way she is. So even when she has no grasp on her own mind he gets it. He wishes she would let him talk to Finn but gets why that's off limits but now her talking to Finn without his knowledge is too. They actually work through a lot, which surprises her by how little it surprises her. The last few days her relationship with Noah has progressed in a way she had never expected and yet it made sense, sort of.

They decided then and there in his car parked in her driveway that they were together, that they both plan on staying together and there was nothing that they would not handle together. Yet, they were allowed to put things on hold. Finn was being put on hold because really he wasn't as important as they're romantic development. Her birth mom was being put on hold because there was nothing really either of them could do about it. Her dads would be home in ten days and since she refused to move in with him, he needed to soak up as much nightly alone time that he could.

She watches him sleep again, and as ludicrous as his suggestion of living together seemed at the time it's making more and more sense to her now. Her fathers are extremely new age , they may have been okay about it had they been dating a little longer than three days. However she's practical, so no matter how much she would love to fall asleep in his arms every night for the rest of her life starting now, they just aren't ready for that. She thinks about them in great detail, she thinks about who they are as individuals and who they are capable of being as a couple. She thinks about what it's going to take to survive high school together and whether or not they can make it through the long distance thing because Noah is deadset on staying in Ohio until his sister graduates and she's all about New York. She thinks, and thinks and thinks, until he moves.

Sometimes he swears he can hear the gears turning in her mind. He's pretty good at ignoring it but when they're in such close proximity it's kind of impossible. So he lets her be herself, let's her think until he's sure its too much. He taps her hip to let her know he's awake. Kisses the back of her neck just because he can, and then he tells her it's time for bed because he just wants her to be thinking about him and them and dreaming.


	11. The END

**Author's Note: This will be the last chapter. I think you've all come to realize that not only do I have absolutely no time but no motivation to keep writing this. If I weren't in school, or had a filthy rich parental unit so I didn't have to work while in school then this would probably have been finished months ago but alas neither are true. Sorry guys I hate doing this more than you even know. **

They never thought it would be easy, but they also never thought it would be incredibly hard either. They make it an entire six months without any real trouble. Finn is always in the back of both their minds, a potential threat that they try and pretend doesn't exist. But he does. He makes that clear when he feels the need to remind Rachel that while she's stuck at McKinley for another year, Puck will be at OSU. Day in and day out surrounded by freshmans trying to rebel against everything they've ever been taught. To say that it went in one ear and out the other would be a bigger lie than saying Streisand was an okay singer. Truth is it cut, deep. Straight from her brain to her heart until she can barely breathe and can't bring herself to look him in the eye. He doesn't comfort her, says he shouldn't have to. He would never cheat on her, he hasn't yet and that wasn't because the opportunity hadn't presented itself. So he might be at OSU and yes he may have momentarily forgotten Rachel was a year younger than him but he wasn't letting her go. Except he was, because he's about a hundred percent sure that he broke up with her two hours ago after fighting about it for two solid weeks. He wasn't about to wear some promise ring because she didn't trust him. And so yeah he pointed out ring or no ring he could very well stick it wherever he pleased. He hadn't meant that he would, just that no ring would be able to stop him. So she'd said if that's how he felt he could walk, and he did because maybe in the past he'd deserved to be treated like this but he sure as hell didn't now. He made sure she knew it too, and told her under no uncertain terms that they were breaking up with him because of Hudson. Maybe not so she could get back with him but clearly because she trusted him over her boyfriend. Boy did that shut her up quick. They make up, eventually. He actually holds out a whole month, says they can be friends, work their way back. He wants to be with this girl, but he needs to know she trusts him explicitly.

Their second year isn't nearly as hard as she thought it would be. Even though he had a perfectly suitable dorm room he still spent the majority of his weekends in Lima. He doesn't even try and make it seem like it's too spend time at home, he couldn't care less if people knew how much he wanted to spend time with his girl. Besides when he can't make it down to Lima, she's on a bus to Cincinnati. So they work, and they keep working until he's helping her pack and then standing in the airport waving goodbye while she heads to the big apple. He doesn't mean to miss their first skype date, he just spent the better part of the night drinking himself under the table hoping to forget that his girl was now surround by thousands, literally thousands of guys who were clearly more her type and probably deserved her a hell of a lot more than he did. He makes it up to her, but the distance causes a strain they weren't prepared for. They both do their best to stay in touch, to make the skype dates to always be home for holidays but life gets busy, really busy. They both slip up, both admit it and both walk away broken hearted. She makes the first move to fix things, shows up to his house only to have another girl to open the door in his (her) favourite sweater. Rachel had never gotten into a fight before but she leaves with looking a hell of a lot better than the short blonde who could have been Quinn's younger sister. The girls are there, they always have been and they listen and they hug and they keep her breathing. He shows up at her door three months later and never would she have thought he would be the one to exercise control but somehow tom, james, maybe leo? Whoever, leaves with only a black-eye and a bruised lip. They battle it out, really go at it in a way they never have before and decide that they suck being a couple they really do, but they don't function apart. She's blowing auditions and he's failing exams and they have to figure out how the fuck they're going to make this work.

He transfers to NYU because it seems like the only option they had. He hated himself for leaving his mom with Rebecca only six months to go before college but his sanity demanded he make it work with Rachel. The proximity didn't make them magically perfect but it helped. Enough that they never broke up again, came close, really really close but all it took was his mom, or her dad or Santana to remind them of what they were like apart. They were Bad, actually bad didn't even cover it. Sometimes Rachel thinks their relationship is like the choice between cancer and death, because apart they would die. Maybe keep breathing but inside they would die. Cancer though wasn't much better.

They last because he has an epiphany. People beat cancer every day. Sure some go into remission, or they develop another type but they survive that too. There is no way to treat death, its final like a full stop period you're done. Cancer you can live with, even enjoy because it wakes you up, makes you appreciate everything good in your life. Rachel was good. Their relationship might not always be but she was, always always good. She loves him because it makes sense to her, she explains it to Rebecca who calls them both crazy with a laugh, same as everyone else. But Rachel, she gets it because at the end of the day it's like that quote from runaway bride, she would rather fight with him every day for the rest of her life, than be happy with someone else.

Luckily though with this epiphany came growth, both personal and emotional. With this came forgiveness for the past that neither had really seemed to let go of. With this came their happy ending.


End file.
